The 10 Worst Things About Buzzfeed Articles
They say “necessity is the mother of all invention.”
Well, they’re right. The necessity of posting something on Facebook in order to garner a few reluctant Likes from one’s 952 closest friends has become the mother of a really stupid invention: namely, Buzzfeed, an alleged website groaning under the weight of humanity’s most botched attempts at humor and a lifetime’s supply of shitty animal gifs.
But they also say “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” So, here is a Buzzfeed guide to The 10 Worst Things About Buzzfeed Articles.
1. Reading them is more painful than getting kicked in the groin by this goat.
2. They’re written by the kind of person who thinks a semi-animated photo of some cartoon cats is side-splittingly hilarious.
3. They labor under the misapprehension that referencing someone else’s humor is the same as actually being funny.
4. They induce somnolence among everyone who reads them, thereby reducing national productivity.
5. They tenuously connect the following image to whatever it is they’re talking about, because apparently no article will be published by Buzzfeed without it.
6. That new article? Totally written by someone who failed fourth grade spalling.
7. They are easier to write than to read. Seriously, you just troll through sites like this one – http://thegiflibrary.tumblr.com/ – find 10-20 images, and then “write” an “article” around them.
8. They make every sane person want to do this.
9. They purport to cover thought-provoking topics, in order to pique your interest as you browse your mini-feed. But then instead of telling you something interesting about Third Culture Kids, they end up being a bunch of unbelievably obvious observations extracted from turn-of-the-century Hallmark cards, with another 30 stupid gifs thrown in for good measure.
“Now you feel incredibly lucky to have loved ones and memories scattered all over the globe.”
10. I refuse to dignify them with a 10th thing.